Massage Envy

John Silver is the shorter partner in this team gun show.  You can always identify Silver by the big phallic “#1” over his crotch.  His massive partner is Rex Lawless. They recently joined forces as a devastating, overtly masculine Tag Team.

A “Beyond Wrestling” tag match was recently posted to YouTube featuring this studly team in action.

The scissor prevents Silver from escaping the rubbing.

The team in matching khaki pants are known as Massage NV.  We are told that they’re both trained experts in the art of massage.  Frequently throughout the match, they inflict back-rubs and shoulder-rubs on their opponents to weaken and subdue them.

Whew — HOT idea.  Gimmicks like this are what pro wrestling fantasies are made of.  Check out the masked Dorian Graves patiently rubbing on Silver’s neck!

Nothing can hurt that big meaty chest.

Eventually Silver escapes the massage “torture” and tags in his huge partner.  Surely big Rex Lawless won’t be susceptible to shoulder rubbing!

Much attention is paid to the massive chest on the “Pectoral Poseidon,” Rex Lawless.  The awestruck commentator confesses that those pecs are all he can look at.  Here we see Rex confidently bouncing his big boulders, inviting his opponent to try to hurt his upper body.  Of course, the smaller man’s strikes have no effect.  Later Rex will briefly smother his opponent by engulfing his face in the valley between those two mountains.

If you can't beat him, rub him.

Soon the massage therapist  — a wrestler known simply as VSK — digs in with both hands and starts kneading that powerful chest.  This prompts the audience to chant: “Holy SHIT!  Holy SHIT!,” either in gay panic or in appreciation for this blatant homo-erotic display.

Lawless just stands there allowing the chest massage to continue, as if maybe he enjoys it.  VSK continues to knead those big pecs, maybe trying to weaken the man, or maybe as a form of muscle worship.

Next John Silver experiences “massage envy” and wants his turn at this pleasurable opportunity.  He enters the ring and REQUESTS A NECK MASSAGE from the masked man — Dorian Graves!

Graves is more than willing to halt the match and offer his opponent some pleasure and relief.  He firmly rubs Silver’s shoulder and neck, and Silver begins to drift off to a pleasurable sleep.

Was this a sneaky tactic by Team Massage NV?  Are they using their talents to weaken the hyper-masculine team — killing them with pleasure?

Silver compliments his opponent's "magic fingers."

The paralyzing effects of the Vulcan Neck Claw can be a turn-on to witness during a wrestling match. I’ve written about this a few times.  This match amps up the sexual implications of the move by demonstrating both the painful and pleasurable aspects.

I suppose this is meant to be a comical situation.  Probably the wrestlers are poking fun at fans who get a boner from watching pro wrestling.  These guys are teasing us with their queer antics — laughing to themselves as they play up the homo-eroticism to make the audience uncomfortable.   I don’t really care if this is meant to be a joke — I am into it and I hope they keep doing it!

I hope Massage NV travels all around the Indy federations, subduing all the massive Tag Teams with their magic fingers.  I don’t care if some people may consider it campy or comical — I want to buy the DVD of their greatest massages.  Hell, let’s admit it — I want to wrestle Massage NV myself.  They can have me two-against-one.

The Double Rub brings down even the mightiest brute.

Check out the big beast being zapped of his power, both partners working on his delts to drop him to his knees.  Face it — that’s hot.

Beyond Wrestling posts select matches and clips for free on YouTube to promote their Beyond Demand subscription channel.  If THIS is the sort of fun, flirtatious wrestling that Beyond is featuring, then I definitely will pay the $10 per month to see more of this great action.  I just signed up — I’ll let you know how I like it.

Who can resist the dreaded Stomach Rub?

Here we see VSK holding back Silver’s arms with a Full Nelson, exposing his stomach to attack.  Rather than kicking or punching that open belly, Graves reaches in to soften those hard lower abdominals with his kneading hands.

These wrestlers seem to understand the sort of moves and maneuvers that sell underground gay wrestling videos.  When presented with this opportunity to queer up their match, they went right to some of the most classic tactics, situations, and poses that can get the viewer off, emphasizing the stronger team’s loss of power and arousing helplessness.

VSK "talks dirty" to his client.

The commentators (one male, one female) add to the homo-erotic vibe with their suggestive comments about Happy Endings and paying for these services.  They also discuss the extra-thick layers of baby oil that all four men have applied for this match — as if they lubed up knowing that there would be lots of friction and rubbing down.  Here are some actual quotes:

“It’s one of THOSE massage parlors.”  “I think he’s gotta pay extra for that kind of treatment.”  “He’s gonna fall asleep — he LOVES it.  He loves every second of it.”

Obviously this match was not all massaging, all the time as my gallery may lead you to believe.  Actually Silver and Lawless fight back frequently, busting off dangerous and painful moves to punish these sketchy masseuses for their queer antics.  You can see all that back-and-forth battling if you watch the video.  Hopefully we haven’t seen the last of Massage NV and their paralyzing powers, but alas, sexy gimmicks like this are usually too explicit to sustain over time.