Blast From The Past

The annual Royal Rumble event is tonight — January 26, 2020. To get us excited for it, the WWE YouTube channel posted a match from the January 30, 2011 Royal Rumble show: Randy Orton vs. The Miz. For once, WWE has given us the entire match for free which is fantastic, but there will be a few pop up advertisements if you watch the entire video.

Wow, both Miz and Randy looked so young and fit 9 years ago, both in snug little trunks and butch black boots. And the Miz’s apprentice Alex Riley was a looker too! Back in 2011, Miz took Alex under his wing to teach him how to fight, how to cheat, and how to look sexy doing it. Also, Alex served as his minion, interfering in matches to help The Miz win. Obviously their relationship was rife with homo-erotic implications and innuendo as Miz often bossed young Alex around like a slave boy.

Maybe it’s just the fact that they’re both so good looking that gives the relationship between Miz and A-Ry a homo-sexual veneer. Riley’s presence at ringside here, turning his male gaze on the shirtless Orton and Miz, definitely adds a gay voyeuristic vibe. It feels like a love triangle, as if Orton is performing for Riley, dominating The Miz to incite Riley to want to join in the fight. We also get the impression that the winner of the match will win ownership of the Apprentice and get to keep him as a servant (a story-line we’ve seen play out in pro wrestling before.)

Eventually Riley can’t handle any more of Orton’s cocky flirtations. He snaps Orton’s neck over the top rope to stun him. I love how Riley wore trunks and boots to watch this match, prepared to jump in the ring at any moment if his boss Miz orders him to.

Riley’s interference has weakened Orton, enabling The Miz to totally dominate the Legend Killer. Poor Randy is out-numbered here, as Apprentice and Journeyman work together to hurt him!

Until I watched this old match, I had forgotten how much I loved Randy’s face back then. This was the era when I would pause my DVR and just savor his gorgeous expressions and orgasmic cringes for minutes at a time. The camera men are into his pretty mug too, zooming in close each time he starts pulling faces and moaning. Check out this incredible Headlock on Orton and the way he sells it with his mouth, tongue, and eyes…

At about 13:40 into the video, while Randy is pulling these climactic faces, one of the commentators hints at the potentially queer relationship between Miz and his apprentice:

Michael Cole: He just amazes me each and every week. The things that he comes up with! I can just imagine the hours he spends in the gym with A-Ry rolling around on the mat, getting ready for a big night like tonight.”

Jerry “The King” Lawler is also calling the match. He then implies that his fellow announcer is queer for The Miz: “I bet you spend hours each week watching him on tape!” Why is Lawler, a spokesman for pro wrestling, trying to gay-shame people who watch videos of men wrestling?? Of course we watch hours and hours of wrestlers and wrestling each week and totally get off on it — it’s HOT!

I appreciated when Michael Cole refuses to be gay shamed for his love of wrestling (and his love of The Miz) by proudly admitting “I DO!”

The Miz continues to violently dominate Orton who appears to orgasm repeatedly, with Riley interjecting from time to time to keep Orton down. Not long after Royal Rumble 2011 Alex and The Miz (dressed in formal business attire) assaulted Orton two-on-one. It’s a pretty hot scene, you can read about it in my “Shirts vs. Skins” article posted on 4/5/11.

Let’s get back to Orton’s humiliating punishment at the Rumble

I love how Orton jobs for Miz and Riley, letting them dominate him and ragdoll him at will. Every one of their attacks is 100% effective, always leaving Orton utterly submissive and ruined. He is the best sufferer ever — I love Orton’s work. Will tonight’s Royal Rumble be even half this hot? (I doubt it…)

The ending of the match is disorganized as a bunch of other wrestlers interfere. You can go watch the video (thanks WWE!) if you want to sort out what the hell happened at the end — I don’t want to get into it.

The end result is that The Miz and his minion out-smarted Orton and defeated him, so let’s pretend The Miz won in the following manner after Riley distracts Orton:

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Blast From The Past

  1. Phil says:

    If Randy Orton ever pinned me down, I would likely never recover. A perfect body and really good wrestler. He is a real tribute to his Dad, who was a terrific heel. I loved his body as well. As for the Miz, he is such a great performer. He can pin me any time. He makes sleaze an art form and makes it work in the ring. Great looking man!

  2. Sean Pford says:

    Suffering Randy is always great! 🙂
    Also: I miss A-Ry. 🙁