The Holy Grail, part 2 of 2

This article continues my discussion of the infamous Bret Hart vs. Tom Magee match from 1986 known as the Holy Grail match.  Sought after for decades, the match finally surfaced a few months ago and today I will provide a blow-by-blow of the action:

For some reason, the WWE did not include the ring entrances and start of the bout in their video.  It begins with Magee already on his knees, pointing his ass in our direction in a Bret Hart Headlock.

I mean, if you’re gonna air the match finally after 33 years, air the entire fuckin match!  Did nobody record the opening moments, or was the beginning redacted for some reason??   Did something happen that they still don’t want us to see?  I’m curious now about what we missed…

In his 2008 auto-biography, “My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling,” Bret Hart described his legendary match with Magee.

Hart wrote that Magee was “horrible, pathetically phony” and that he (Hart) had to “put on an absolute clinic for anyone who ever wanted to know how to make a big green guy look great.”   Really??  Because Magee looks pretty great on his own…

Watching Magee fly around the ring, performing flips, cartwheels, and leap-frogs, I don’t think he’s as “pathetic” as Hart and others have claimed.  His taut ass certainly doesn’t look pathetic in that snug red speedo.

No — seeing Magee in action makes me think (as I’ve always thought) that they buried him for other reasons besides clumsiness.

Magee punishes Bret in this well-performed and sexually suggestive Armbar, flexing his huge biceps as he leans back to pour on the pressure.  Both wrestlers open their mouths and toss back their heads in expressions of orgasmic ecstasy.  Bret’s arm protrudes up between Magee’s thighs like an erect phallic symbol, adding to the eroticism of the scene.  THIS is a hot Armbar — I’d say Magee is the one “putting on an absolute clinic” for anyone who ever wanted to know how to excite the audience, leaving them horny for more rasslin action.

It seems that Bret’s father — Stu Hart — discovered and trained Magee in his basement dungeon up in Canada (sounds hot — I wish they’d invited me in to serve as Magee’s wrestling dummy.)  This may explain why Bret agreed to job for Magee, because his father was the one who proposed that Magee could be Vince’s next big champ.

In his book, Bret claims that he built the match around Magee’s best three moves.  Certainly one of those moves had to be this spectacular flip off the top rope into a Drop-Kick, which fires up the crowd.  Even Bobby Heenan admits he’s never seen anything like that before.

Now I ask you: who is really carrying this match?  Is it Bret Hart with his cheezy “where’d he go? ” antics, or is it the amazing young acrobat sailing around the ring like a Superhero?

Bret then slips out of the ring to take a breather (and to give the audience some time to gawk at and drool over the nearly-naked specimen of male perfection in the ring.)

Meanwhile some kid utterly degrades poor Bret, destroying him as only a teen boy can do.  I like this cocky kid, I just had to include him in this article.  They would’ve had to edit his middle finger out if this had ever aired on TV.

And instead of making Magee look dominant and powerful, we see Bret perform several moves that degrade, sissify, and emasculate the Mega Man.  Hart executes a Reverse Atomic Drop to bust Magee’s nuts and leave him neutered and hurt on the canvas.

Later Hart will wedgie young Magee, yanking his trunks right up like a thong.  How, exactly, does this make Magee look powerful?


Now let’s address the elephant in the room: Magee’s tight red bikini, which is so snug on his voluptuous backside that it keeps sliding up between his cheeks.

Out of everything that happens in this match, I believe it was Magee’s big, prominent muscle-ass, and the exposure of too much skin thanks to those skimpy trunks, that ruined his career.  He was just too appealing to gay wrestling fans.

Wrestling fans like us tune in for these money shots, but this sight is  threatening to hetero male viewers who will have to explain to their buddies, their mother, even their girlfriend, why they want to watch another dude’s assets on display.  So this is a problem.

As proof of my theory, I want share a video of three British mates who are presumably straight watching and discussing this match on their vlog.

At the very moment that Magee performs this Sunset Flip, the blokes react to his “hungry bum” — i,e., the  devouring and engulfing of that spandex fabric betwixt his powerful glutes.  Here is the clip:


It may be difficult to understand their accents, so here is what I think they said:

Guy On Our Left:  Tommy Tugboat (his pet name for Magee) has got to do something about that hungry bum, man. It’s really distracting, really distracting.  (I’ll say!)

Middle Guy: Jeeezis!

Guy On Our Left: It’s like a THONG, man! No wonder you didn’t make it, goober.

We don’t know how each of these men would have reacted if they had watched the match alone, but being together with their mates, it is critical for them to express disgust and distaste so it’s clear that they are not into that buggery.

Methinks they protest too strongly (especially Guy On Our Left), not that there’s anything wrong with that, but seeing near nudity and obvious sexual potency causes them to distance themselves from Magee to avoid Gay Panic.  (However, they talk about his “bum” or “arse” a few more times, so they really can’t stop thinking about it.)

And this is what, I believe, ended Magee’s wrestling career.  He was so gorgeous and sexually appealing that hetero or closeted fans (which is MOST of the fans) could never support him or openly cheer for him.

Here is Bret deliberately giving Magee a big wedgie as he tosses him out of the ring like a jobber.  He will wedgie Magee even further when he Suplexes him back in.  Way to make the “big green guy look great” there, Bret.

Was this an act of fan service — Bret giving viewers like us a peep show?  Or is he just bullying this poor rookie?

And here — I admit — we see Magee make a rookie mistake.  He jumps too early, before Bret has a firm grasp of his trunks (in order to yank them further up that hungry bum.)

I never claimed Magee was flawless — but if he was still green, they could’ve given him more practice, not totally fired him, amiright?

And instead of flopping on his back, Magee rolls up Hart and pins him.  The Excellence of Execution has lost to a rookie — and in a degrading manner with that bared ass nearly planted on his face.

Maybe THIS is why Bret never wanted this match to air — because of his humiliating ass-to-face pinning position.

The predominantly male audience, now on their feet, go wild for hunky Tommy Magee in his skimpy red thong.

And we can’t have this.  It looks too gay, as if this eye candy is being put on display to give them all hard-ons.  So Magee had to go and the video evidence had to be buried.


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5 Responses to The Holy Grail, part 2 of 2

  1. Rookie Jobber says:

    1. This was a hot-looking match!
    2. This analysis by you is incredible. I feel, like the video of the match itself, it might actually be dangerous! Like if “normal” wrestling fans read your essay and commentary, it’d be like a teenager being exposed to Howard Zinn for the first time or something. This is like Donald Sutherland’s monologue in JFK, except it’s actually also totally true! Beware, my friend, or you too could be buried like the Holy Grail was!

  2. Guy LeBuff says:

    You make a good point! These insecure straight guys are a prime example of why Magee lost his place in wrestling, this match was hot!! Low blows and that sexy wedgie…but the heteros just couldn’t handle it!

  3. Sean Pford says:

    Great match, great post, thanks for both!

  4. Phil says:

    Terrific match. Thanks so much for this! Your commentary is great and accurate.

  5. Seth says:

    I always wondered why McGee just disappeared? Your argument was convincing. However, in regards to the tights, all they had to do was get him a pair that fit. Easy fix. Just like the present day Clark Connors—clearly somebody pulled him aside in the locker room. His skimpy red tights have disappeared as well.