Hopeless Quest

quest1The Empire Wrestling Federation (EWF) has a very active YouTube channel where they post tons of wrestling action from their live shows.  They recently uploaded this Handicap Match featuring these bad boys who call their Heel tag team “H.A.T.E.”

I’ve blogged about “Raunchy” Rico Dynamite and his eye-popping gear choices previously, and he continues to impress in these stretchy blaze orange trunks that grab your attention and keep your gaze riveted to his massive ball-sack.  His partner, Che Cabrera, wears traditional Heel tights — long black leggings with white stripes running down the sides.  I get off on that look too.


quest2As you may realize by now, I’m a sucker for Two-on-One scenarios, so when I saw this mis-match (and those orange trunks on Rico Suave), I knew I wanted to blog about it.

As predicted, the big guys just own Adrian Quest (after his brief display of high-flying trickery early in the bout.)  Here Cabrera easily hoists Quest onto his shoulder like a loaf of hoagie bread to emphasize his strength advantage.

The bad guys focus on Quest's vulnerable spine.

The bad guys focus on Quest’s vulnerable spine.

Rico tags in and delivers a picture-perfect Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker.  I dig the name of this move — “Tilt-A-Whirl” — as if it’s nothing but a carnival ride.

Quest sells his resulting misery with dedication, ensuring that the audience understands this move may have a silly, childish name, but it still hurts like hell.  The big brutes will target the skinny kid’s backbone with several devastating moves, causing the commentators to speculate that they’re trying to “literally BREAK Adrian Quest in half.”  (Schwing!)



quest3quest4We are informed that Adrian Quest’s partner — Andy Brown — was injured during an attack earlier in the show, leaving our skinny hero alone against these two large Latino macho-men.

Even though only one of the young champions is in the ring, their belts are on the line nevertheless.  If Team H.A.T.E. pins Quest — even if they use dirty two-on-one tactics — then they strip Adrian and Andy of their gold belts!


The Heels are not above Two-on-One tactics.

A knee to the gut leaves Quest gasping for air.

Nobody seems to question or protest the unfairness of this arrangement.  Quest is already smaller and less aggressive than either one of these burrito-fed brawlers.  His partner is not available to help defend the title, yet their belts are up for grabs!   Then the kid is attacked with such one-sided violence and ferocity, he is soon seen weakened and hurt on the mat.

The frustrating unfairness of the scenario seems to trip a trigger in my brain, causing me to contemplate how cruel (and arousing) the situation really is.

quest7quest6They work in a little boot worship as Quest lays at the feet of Heel Daddy Che Cabrera who wears shiny black combat-style boots.

Those powerful black stompers are fetishized as Cabrera stands over his beaten slave, and Quest practically offers him a spit shine.  If you’re into wrestling boots, this brief scene may be of interest to you.


The Heels mimic an execution, then rattle his brain between mirror image Elbow Smashes!

The Heels mimic an execution, then rattle his brain between mirror image Elbow Smashes!

The two Heels continue to kick Quest’s ass, two against one, for a good long while.  The commentators stoke the fire with some compelling descriptions of Quest’s suffering, especially the Heel commentator.  He encourages the Bad Boys to really harm the cute victim:  “Give him 26 Pile Drivers, just one after another!” — that sort of thing.

Adrian Quest at SUCH a disadvantage here tonight.  Not just the size different, but going it alone here…  There’s no need to cut the ring in half — they’ve got the entire ring!

Eventually another Baby-Face wrestler feels sorry for the out-numbered Adrian Quest and stands in as Quest’s partner.  The Good Boys battle back and I lose interest at that point, but the unfair double-teaming was hot while it lasted.


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