Brotherly Love?

I have written in praise of both of these “Reality of Wrestling” tag teams before.  The long-haired lean Faces in the black pants (which they will soon peel off like strippers) are known as the Lockhart Brothers.

The beefier dudes in the beautiful maroon robes with white wings are the New Heavenly Bodies — Justin and Dustin Corino.  They used to work a comical gimmick, playing a pair of jobbers dubbed “Enhancement Talent.”  They’re far more appealing now as serious, brutal, focused holders of the Tag Team championship belts.

As the heroic Good Guys, the long-haired Lockharts of course dominate the early part of the match.  Check out this cool Suplex Trade-Off, the brothers taking turns running in and out of the ring, handing off their helpless opponent like a toy.  This symbolizes their cohesion, which is the hallmark of success in the ring.  If there is one lesson that Tag Team wrestling teaches us, it’s that when two dudes become soulmates, they are unstoppable.

Fortunately, to my utter enjoyment, it’s not long before the beefy Bodies gain control over the Lockharts, thanks in part to that long hair which is so convenient to snatch and drag (the cheating Bodies employ plenty of hair-pulling!)

It is noteworthy that Andrew Lockhart, who would normally wear a black speedo to match his brother, has chosen to wear colorful tights and leg warmers.  He also has cut his hair, shedding the long locks that had been the Lockharts’ signature hairstyle.

Here is an image from the previous Lockhart match I wrote about.  Note their matching black trunks with “Lockhart” proudly written across the ass.

Could their lack of look-alike gear be a sign of trouble in the Land of Lockhart?  Might Andrew be dressing in flashier gear to hog the spotlight for himself?

Andrew leaps for a desperate tag, but Dustin is just too thick and powerful.  He catches the skinny high-flyer in his embrace, preventing the Lockharts from reaching the tag.  There is definitely something to be said for full-bodied, sturdy-built ass-kickers like these Heavenly Bodies!

The Heavenly Bodies are a tribute to a classic tag team from the 1990’s of the same name and with similar ring gear.  That old team consisted of Tom Pritchard & Jimmy Del Ray and their team name — “Heavenly Bodies” — was meant to be ironic I believe, because they were over weight and a bit over-the-hill, yet they wore tiny speedo trunks and grinded their hips suggestively in the ring.

(I actually did find the original Heavenly Bodies  and their porn star antics to be quite heavenly, and boner worthy, but I’m not sure that was the promoters’ intent.  I sometimes get into the egotistical, hyper-sexual wrestlers that I think we are actually supposed to laugh at.)

Now these beefy brothers have adopted the same sexy gimmick and the same matching gear which emphasizes their cohesion.

This match is available on YouTube by the way if you’re into watching a pair of brothers beating up on another pair of brothers.

The Lockharts are seen to be out of sync in this match, clumsily missing their opportunities and not working like a well-oiled machine.  For example, Erik is out on the floor when Andrew needs to make a tag, and later Erik distracts the ref just when Andrew has a Heavenly Body pinned.

This distraction from the foolish but well-meaning Erik Lockhart enables the Bodies to set up their patented “Heavenly Gates” move on Andrew Lockhart.

They drive his face into the mat, his long hair flopping around like a squirrel that tried to cross a four-lane highway during rush hour.  Andrew is fucked now, and it’s all his brother’s fault.

The purpose of forming homo-social relationships is to gain power and success.  Therefore, Tag Team wrestling always depicts the male-male bond falling apart when failure occurs.  If your soulmate makes too many mistakes, you need to dump his ass, apparently. It is not as if you’re married or even in love, right?  There is no room in pro wrestling, in any Real Man’s life, for a clumsy male side-kick.  Even your own brother needs to be kicked to the curb if he makes mistakes.