My Apologies

The April 2nd episode of NXT (available on the WWE Network) included another Tag Team squash by the vicious members of The Ascension (Konnor and Victor).  A few weeks ago, I wrote about NXT and how much I enjoy watching the Ascension squash a parade of cute, soft, submissive jobbers. Today they’re tearing apart two good looking victims named Jack Hurley and John Vandal.

Victor immediately subdues Jack Hurley with some hammering blows to the back, leaving the jobber broken and rag-dolled in his tight lime green trunks.  The Ascension shows little respect for these jobbers, and neither does the WWE website which identifies them as “local athletes” rather than actually listing their names.  It seems as if their efforts and their contributions, their very identities, are meaningless.

The commentators also kick sand in the faces of the jobbers by constantly masturbating over the size and power of The Ascension while also insulting Hurley and Vandal by laughing at them and mentioning their hopeless chances of winning.

One of my favorite aspects of the NXT brand is the provocative and colorful language used by the ringside announcers — some of the sexiest commentary I’ve ever heard.  The show is rated “PG” due to violence, but the narrative is so exciting, it should be at least Rated “R” for language.

Here are some examples of the hot little comments (praise for the monsters, mockery for the jobbers) by the awe-struck announce team:

  • “Intensity and ferociousness — two men who have dare — DARED —
    the entire NXT tag team division to step up.”
  • “I spoke to one of the competitors who faced Ascension in the past.  He literally told me he started dry-heaving at the thought of having to face these two.”
  • “Nobody wants to get in the ring with these gentleman because they know what they’re going to face — they’re gonna get BATTERED!”
  • “Konnor: he’s like the rough kid in the neighborhood you never wanted to play with — he would just HURT you!”
  • “Victor with the cover — Vandal didn’t stand a chance.”  “Dare I say it — young Mr. Vandal has been vandalized.”
  • “Destruction and TOTAL MAXIMUM CARNAGE!”

Hurley is snatched by the trunks and whipped toward his corner, his shoulder driven into his partner’s gut.   This was a cool variation on the classic shoulder driven into the ringpost spot.

Vandal then enters the ring and endures brutal punishment for the remainder of the match while Hurley lies broken on the floor at ringside.

You may be wondering why I called this gallery “My Apologies.”   Well, I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible for the punishment inflicted on these handsome victims.  I blogged about how much I enjoy one-sided domination by Ascension, and I wonder if a promoter may have seen my article and thought — “Hey — we’re turning the viewers on with this rough stuff! Let’s turn it up a notch!”

So by watching episodes of NXT and by writing about how much I enjoy the violence, I am just setting up more young studs like Hurley and Vandal for this degree of agony.  So I just want to apologize to Hurley and Vandal, and to all future pretty-boys who are tossed in the ring with these monsters like crickets being tossed into the reptile cage.

I am sorry for loving to see you suffer so much.  I am sorry that my enjoyment is just encouraging these big brutes to punish you with even greater brutality.  I am sorry you had to be hurt and humiliated for my pleasure.  And THANKS!

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One Response to My Apologies

  1. Mark says:

    AMEN to NXT and Team Ascension !! I could watch this brutal duo ( especially Konnor ) punish and destroy any and all talent NXT can bring into the ring, willing to face them. ( The hotter the jobber’s, the BETTER ) Thank you Arsenal for posting this incredible Team….