The August 14th episode of Monday Night Raw featured this wonderful mis-match — the big fat “Eater of Worlds”, Bray Wyatt, simply demolished lean and sexy Finn Bálor, the hard-body lad wearing the snug little speedo.
If you’re into cruel and unusual punishment, this one is for you!
Every time Tarzan-boy Bálor attempts to jump off the ropes, Bray shuts his shit down. This match presents a contrast in fighting styles, telling the story of what happens when fancy, flippy showmanship faces off against good old-fashioned brawling. Here Bray wastes the launching Bálor with a simple right hook to the face.
Finn Bálor’s body always seems fragile to me. I get that he’s ripped and muscular and could probably break me in two pieces, yet he’s so lean and naked looking that he appears vulnerable.
And the Heels seem to save up their most terrible offense for when they have their hands on little Finn.
Check him out, selling the pain in this beautiful Headlock. The big fat monster kind of leans on one elbow, like he’s just relaxing and smoking a joint on his living room rug. Meanwhile poor Bálor’s face is contorted in exquisite agony, looking like he’s about to cry.
These little moments, captured here in close-up Hi-Def video, are what make a run-of-the mill Clothed Monster vs. Shirtless Baby-Face Squash Match into pure wrestle-porn.
Did Bálor over-sell this Irish Whip Into The Corner Turnbuckles by collapsing to the mat like his spine was shattered? Fuck no — you can NEVER over-sell an Irish Whip Into The Corner Turnbuckles!
Every jobber needs to get his pen and notepad out (or his tablet or cell phone) and take notes on how to properly sell the old IWITCT move.
When I was a youngster, the Monster Heels were scary and psychotic. Watching them hurt some cute jobber would leave you a bit frightened, that they might catch you someday and put you in their dreaded finishing hold. Or maybe they’d capture and punish your dad while making you watch. And these thoughts left you breathless and hard. Well Bray Wyatt is just such a classic Heel — powerful, sadistic, and unpredictable.
After enduring this painful beating, Balor requested a re-match at this Sunday’s “Summer Slam” event and I was all geeked to watch him suffer some more. But then he hinted that he might dress up as his unbeatable alter ego — The Demon — and I wasn’t as excited. I prefer seeing Finn unpainted, cute-faced, and fragile looking.
Wyatt implements his deadly finishing move — the Sister Abigail. Strange name for a strange wrestling move.
He first bends his victim backwards like they’re dancing the Tango (and Wyatt is the man dipping his submissive partner), then he kisses the fucker’s forehead (so gay), then he falls backward to spike the dude’s face into the mat.
Wyatt is big enough and creepy enough to be lust-worthy as a Heel. And little Finn Bálor with his rock-hard abdomen is just adorable as the Baby-Face. So this match would’ve been a winner for me even if what happened after the pinfall hadn’t happened…
Oh no, the match is over, the bell has rung, yet this sadistic freak snatches Bálor up for a SECOND kissy-face Sister Abigail! And Bálor (God bless him) plays it limp and helpless like a ragdoll.
You big bully — why are you harming this poor weak kid!?
The arena goes black for a moment, and when the lights turn on, we see Wyatt standing over a seated Finn Bálor with a bucket of slop in his hand. He proceeds to dump a gooey red liquid on Bálor.
What can I say, I’m just obsessed with the way Wyatt carefully aims his gushing stream right onto Bálor’s face, then dumps that red goo all over his crotch so it soaks his bulging trunks.
Whenever a wrestler pours liquid on his defeated opponent, it sends a sexual message, as if he is splooging all over the helpless dude. Bray really dumps it all over Bálor too — just covering his torso, face, and crotch as Bálor just lays there accepting it.
I love Finn Bálor, I love Bray Wyatt, I love Monday Night Raw, I love the WWE camera men, and most of all, I love raunchy pro wrestling where they dump goop on each other and roll around in it. Gets me every time.
I also used to love it when a bloodied wrestler would give a post-match backstage interview without cleaning up first, the humiliating Crimson Mask still all over his face.