Lightning Rods

lightning1This classic Tag Team match, recently uploaded to YouTube, really got the Old School Rasslin’ neurons firing in the pleasure centers of my brain.  Check out the beefy heels who call themselves the “Jive Tones” — Shaska Whatley and Tiger Conway — looking masculine and spectacular in their skimpy, bulge-hugging briefs.  They are permitted to carry these phallic walking sticks to the ring, not because their legs are injured and they need assistance, but because nobody will dare to tell them “No.”

Their opponents are one of my favorite Ineffective Baby-Face teams of the era — the Lightning Express, Tim Horner and Brad Armstrong in sexy red trunks and heroic white boots.  Oh fuck yeah they’re gonna suffer!  Have these cuties EVER won a match?  Have you ever loved a couple of losers more than these two hapless pretty-boys?

lightning2lightning3lightning4Brad shines early in the match, flexing his impressive muscles and establishing himself as the more powerful lightning bolt on the Lightning Express team (implying that it’s not HIS fault they keep losing.)

However, we see Brad’s most effective weapon is his stroking Armbar, which Whatley sells erotically but which never can fully finish the opponent off.

 


lightning5After establishing control, Armstrong makes the mistake of tagging in Jobber Horner, who always gets beat down.

These teams present the stark contrasts in appearance and personality that sell themselves in the ring:  white pretty boys vs. mature black daddies, high-flyers vs. rule breakers, fit bodies vs. thick bodies, etc.


Let the Horner Abuse begin...

Let the Horner Abuse begin…

I dig Tim Horner, don’t get me wrong.  What I love most about him is his unceasing vulnerability, his willingness to check his ego and submit himself to any other man’s ownership and power.

One gets the sense that, if one met Tim Horner and brought him home, one might get to do whatever one wishes to this cute plaything.  Therein lies Tim Horner’s appeal — the submissiveness he evokes — the hope he offers to the viewer that the viewer, too, may one day get to dominate and own this pretty-boy, and not just in wrestling.


lightning6The Jive Tones’ domination over Tim Horner is fairly short-lived, sadly.  (Maybe they feared a race riot from the bigots at ringside.)

But it was just long enough to establish that Horner is the Jive Tones’ bitch, and to give everyone boners thinking about what THEY would do if they had Tim Horner at their mercy.


Brad uses his own partner as a weapon.

Brad uses his own partner as a weapon.

The red-clad heroes make a tag and begin working together, demonstrating the power and success achieved via a solid bond between two dudes.

Here Brad hoists his own partner up in Atomic Drop position, then drops his leg across Tiger Conway’s throat, which hurts much worse than if Horner had simply dropped the leg by himself.  Check out those matching white boots, accented with lightning bolts, on the muscular legs of our heroes.

lightning7

The big stick is broken over Brad's cranium.

The big stick is broken over Brad’s cranium.

So Brad attempts to win the match, pinning Tiger Conway chest-to-chest.  But the Jive Tones are dirty cheaters, so Whatley sneaks into the ring with his big hard stick in his hand.

CRACK!  He busts that rod across the back of Brad’s neck.  Rather than following the law of inertia and passing out where he lay, Brad is dazed and rolls off his nearly-defeated opponent.  How unfair!  The Lightning Express were finally within 3 seconds of victory, only to be cheated out of their prize!

lightning10lightning11Now Conway rolls on top in the dominant position, smothering poor Brad under his bulk.  Oh I love this — the unfairness and injustice of the situation, and the Alpha Male sexual dominance of the beefy studs over their helpless boy toys.  Damn I get into the seedy, salacious vibe that Old Timey rasslin’ evokes!


lightning12The cheaters prosper and exit the ring together, posing for the cameras with their arms raised in arrogant victory.  They play around with public displays of affection to further incite the audience, wrapping arms around necks with Conway gripping Whatley’s bald dome.

The implication is that their dominance over the Lightning Express has excited them both and earned them the right to this physical pleasure and public intimacy.  One is left to wonder whether their feelings of elation and playful groping will continue back in the locker room and result in further physical contact and celebration.  Who wouldn’t want to be a fly on that locker room wall, especially if Brad and Tim are also brought into the mix…??

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8 Responses to Lightning Rods

  1. eropuro says:

    Tim is the weaker link, but Brad is the one who gets pinned. So who is to blame for losing? I guess these two have to sort it out in the locker room, maybe with Jive Tones being their judges.

  2. Guy says:

    Loved the sexy black guys vs sexy white guys gimmick, keep em coming! <3

  3. Doug says:

    This was obviously before Brad started getting wedgied in every match.

  4. Scott says:

    oh MAN, what a tag team the Jive Tones were. Big sexy bulk all over. Big barrel chests, thick thighs and big round asses. Damn, what a nice match. Equally if not more impressive are the Jive Tones vs Windham and Italian Stallion. Check that one out. Love your commentary on old time rasslin’.

  5. Scott says:

    If you look carefully you can see Whatley taking the wrist of Tiger Conway and guiding it behind his bald head. Another great moment in this match comes at the beginning when Tiger Conway Jr. puffs out his big hairy chest to adjust his tights while showing off his big bulge and great thick upper thighs in all their wrestling glory, as only old school can do.

  6. Lou says:

    Hey, I love your blog and figured I might ask this here. I stumbled upon a review of a fight, forgot the name of the place/enterprise, but it wasn’t gay focused. It was this place’s star against his enemy, and he got beaten up pretty badly. At some point two other guys step in against the star, and because of this the enemy manages to send the star to the table. There was chair hitting involved too I think.

    I’ve been trying to find this match, with little results, does it rings any bell?

  7. RayAtL says:

    I actually do remember this match from the 80s.
    Was a big Horner/Armstrong fan and just loved seeing them go at it with these big black bullies. I remember thinking how Tiger Conway really bulked up as he aged. Great post!

  8. Doug says:

    No new posts on nearly three weeks. I hope everything is OK with you.