35 Squashes – Part 3 of 3

This gallery concludes my reviews of the 35 one-sided squash matches posted to the Heel4You YouTube channel a few weeks ago.  This collection nicely represents the jobber beat-downs that were so common from the late 1970’s to early 1990’s — when humiliation and helplessness in the ring was standard fare for the weekly televised broadcasts — building heat for the periodic House Shows and Pay-Per-Views.

24. Buddy Landel destroys a young Matt Hardy (2:33, WWf 12/23/95) — Buddy Landel is the veteran, left over from the bloody, brutal, bleach blond world of the 1970’s.  Matt Hardy is the white-booted rookie in gorgeous aqua tights, ushering in a new style of High Flying flashiness.

Their worlds collide and Buddy is out to prove that Old School slobberknocking is still the dominant style.  Hardy dares zero offense.  Best veteran > rookie domination.

25.  Feeling jealous that their opponent’s tights are prettier and more flamboyant than their pink & black leggings, the Hart Foundation lays waste to Paul Perez and Barry Hardy (3:25, WWF 1990).

Most of the “match” features Hart and Neidhart unleashing their two-against-one maneuvers on the chubbier (and utterly defenseless) jobber — Paul Perez.  Most devastating double-team moves.

26. Bad News Allen vs. Daniel Roy (3:20, Montreal Int’l Wrestling 9/13/86) — We saw Roy (pronounced “Waah“) take a beating back in Squash #20.  Some of the same sexy antics are presented here — picking him up on the two count, dramatic and worshipful commentary, etc.  Allen is a big sexy horndog in his tight black underwear, grabbing ass, pulling hair, kneeling with his dick in the jobber’s face.  It looks and feels like a rape scene.  Most sexualized violence.

27. Ed Franks & Lee Peak vs. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard (4:36, NWA 1/16/88).  These jobbers in red (one in trunks and one in a singlet) offer zero offense against the hairy-chested, dominant daddies.

Tully and Arn (who looks spectacular in white trunks) unleash a perfectly executed six-pack of whoop-ass on these hapless jobbers who keep their arms obediently down at their sides and willingly eat their punishment.  Most submissive jobbers.

28. Akeem crushes Sonny Blaze with extreme Fat Man’s Offense (1:17, WWE 9/22/90) — This short squash match features the Clothed Male (massive, slow moving Akeem in a yellow and purple outfit) dominating the Naked Male (Sonny Blaze shirtless in black briefs.)  The entire match consists of a few elbow smashes to the head, a choke, a Body-Slam, three gorgeous break-dancing Elbow Drops, and a huge rib-shattering Splash.  That’s it.  Shortest (and therefore most pathetic) defeat.

29. Andy Blair vs. Red Ivan (4:10, World of Sport May 1987)   It appears that British Wrestling also featured Evil Russians beating up handsome young local lads during the Cold War.  Red Ivan wears red trunks and boots, while boy-next-door Andy Blair is in powder blue briefs with heroic white boots.

Ivan attacks early and often, looking dominant with his thick body-builder physique and hairy chest.  Andy is described as a “really nice guy” and he offers zero resistance.  The Russian eventually tosses the lad over the top rope and Blair can’t continue.  Most passive jobber.

30. Akeem crushes Terry Zeller (2:23, WWF 2/14/90) Again we see the fully clothed, full bodied Akeem using his ponderous weight to smother and smash a shirtless pretty-boy.

I like this move where he embraces the jobber around the neck, then repeatedly bucks against him, crushing him into the turnbuckles to pound the air out of him — very suggestive of a rape.  Best Fat Man’s Offense.

31. Mike Daniels is isolated in the ring by Power & Glory, never permitted to tag in his chubby, unnamed partner (3:20, WWF 9/2/90).   Fuck yeah Power and Glory, looking muscular and dominant in their matching black speedos!  This match is all about the unbeatable strength of male body-builders as the powerful studs just wipe the ring with the soft-bellied scrub.

They pick Daniels up on the count of two a couple times and generally destroy him with Muscle Man’s Offense.  Swolest Heels.

32. Damn, poor Lynn Fields gets zero respect, utterly destroyed by Dirty White Boy (2:52, Smoky Mountain Wrestling, March 93.)  DWB does not even bother removing his unbuttoned shirt, championship belt, or ballcap for this soft-bellied wimp.  Then, after easily defeating poor Fields, DWB wraps a damn chain around his throat and drags the ragdoll all around the ring!  Hottest post-match humiliation.

33. Masked Superstar owning Tom Zenk (2:55, AWA 1985).  Before he was the Z-Man, Tom Zenk served his time as a passive muscle-jobber.  Masked Superstar in a caveman singlet and silver boots is a monster here, kicking Zenk’s ass both inside and outside the ropes.  The masked freak humiliates the handsome jobber in red trunks by not letting him back inside the ring for a long time.  Zenk as usual sells beautifully — watch him utterly wasted by the “tremendous clothesline” at 2:16.  Best looking jobber.

34. Samoans vs. Doug Dansing (3:22, Memphis 2/20/88).  These big fat Samoans seem to despise the pale jobber in tights.  A viewer of this video posted a comment on YouTube that best sums up this cruelest abuse:

“Great brutalizing and merciless hair pulling, yanking and jerking! Beat him up so bad the string came out of his tights at 1:49 as they backed him into the turnbuckles for some REAL brutality!   2:38 was icing on this cake of a match.”

35. Tim Dixon and Brian Starr vs. two blond gods (3:00, USWA 8/4/90)  The dominant tag team are beautiful for cheating Heels — tall with long flowing locks and matching black trunks.

They cheat aplenty to control their chubby, hapless victims, booting the first one in the back two-on-one and tossing the second one outside the ring to body-slam him on the floor.  God, how much do they pay these poor wimps and is it worth the public humiliation?  Best looking Heels.

Thanks again, Heel4You, for posting this entertaining series of hot jobber squashes!

I just love the jobbery names of the jobbers in these squash matches.  Just reading or hearing their names gets me turned on.  I want to be college roommates with guys called Jim Dawson, Tim Hall or Gary Key.  Below is a list of the jobbers from all 35 matches that Heel4You posted so you can see what I’m talking about.  I also listed the most compelling aspect of each match in case you want to revisit some of these:

1. Aaron Ferguson — Most humiliating pinning pose
2. Gary Key — Whitest jobber gear
3. Todd Baker & Butler Stevens — Most talented Heels
4. Jim Boss — Nastiest Heel
5. Keith Hart — Freakiest Heel
6. Todd Johnson — Most dominant Heel team
7. Doughboy Shaw — Hottest Doughboy
8. Dan Dubio — Sexiest submission hold
9. Lynn Fields — Most violent beating
10. Tyler Smith — Most one-sided match up
11. Rick Orasi — Most verbal Heel
12. Joe Deforia — Sexiest Heel
13. Bob Peters & Jim Dawson — Best Foreign Invaders gimmick
14. Randy Mulkey — Sellingest jobber
15. Randy Starr — Prettiest jobber
16. Mack Jeffers — Most authentic punishment
17. Ryan Wagner & Steve Atkinson — Most humiliating acts of bullying
18. Robbie Aumen — Best Heel overall
19. Jeff Craney — Worst jobber injury
20. Daniel Roy — Most erotic commentary
21. John Crystal & Russ Greenberg — Most blatant double-teaming
22. Tim Hall — Best three-on-one mismatch/orgy
23. Peter Caparella — Sleaziest 1970s style
24. Matt Hardy — Best veteran > rookie domination
25. Paul Perez & Barry Hardy — Most devastating double-team moves
26. Daniel Roy — Most sexualized violence
27. Ed Franks & Lee Peak — Most submissive jobbers
28. Sonny Blaze — Shortest (and therefore most pathetic) defeat
29. Andy Blair — Most passive jobber
30. Terry Zeller — Best Fat Man’s Offense
31. Mike Daniels — Swolest Heels
32. Lynn Fields — Hottest post-match humiliation
33. Tom Zenk — Best looking jobber
34. Doug Dansing — Cruelest abuse
35. Tim Dixon & Brian Starr — Best looking Heels