I mentioned that I subscribed to the WWE Network (which is probably not too shocking considering I love pro wrestling.) The subscription includes access to “The Vault” which features a few (not too many) old school rasslin’ events from 20+ years ago.
Here is a fun tag team match I watched that took place at the Boston Garden on 11/1/1986. Jacques Rougeau is on crutches so Leapin’ Lanny Poffo pinch hits for him, tagging with Ray Rougeau against the Moondogs — two fat brutes wearing torn up jeans.
Even though Jacques is not wrestling today due to his injury, he still appears ringside in white sweat pants with no shirt on. Why wouldn’t he keep wearing whatever he had on when he arrived at the arena? Maybe it is just habit to bare his chest when he goes down to the ring. Or maybe he wants to assert his masculinity and potency even though he is emasculated somewhat by the leg injury.
It is the psychology of this match that really turned me on. Lanny Poffo is such a namby pamby with his little pre-match poem and his shiny blue ring jacket covered in rhinestones.
I knew even before the bell rang that the evil Moondogs were going to isolate the sissy jobber in his tight blue trunks and rape the hell out of him while both masculine Rougeau Brothers watched in frustration, seeming more powerful and masculine in contrast to the sissified Lanny Poffo.
Sure enough, Moondog Rex with his thick belly and jeans torn off at the knees easily dominates the wimp in blue underwear, suplexing him like a ragdoll and breaking him over a knee. Poffo goes into his usual “Ragdoll” mode — utterly pliant to the Moondogs’ demands.
The implication is that, if only studly Jacques Rougeau were not hurt, these manly Rougeau Brothers would’ve taught the Moondogs a lesson. But they had to use the pathetic jobber — poet Lanny Poffo — as a substitute for Jacques, so the Moondogs are able to dominate and own him.
The usual Tag Team cliches (which I never seem to tire of) are in play: the ring is cut in half and Poffo can’t reach a tag; the Moondogs tag in and out rapidly, double-teaming poor Poffo each time; angry Ray Rougeau tries to storm into the ring which only serves to distract the ref and enable more dirty cheating by the cruel fuckin animals. Damn that kind of thing gets me off.
Poffo does a good job selling the pain and offering us views of his bare flesh sprawled out right in front of the camera. He played the jobber so often, he was just great at it — subdued and humiliated by so many men that it became a habit.
“Leaping” Lanny Poffo presented an alternative (and therefore inferior) form of masculinity. He was not a muscular fellow, but instead he was graceful, well-spoken, and gifted in poetry. His sexuality was ambiguous as he pranced around the ring and spoke with a bit of a lisp, and he usually wore revealing, colorful trunks that put his cock on display in a homo-erotic manner.
Lanny seldom won any matches — in sharp contrast to his brother the “Macho Man”, whose gruff, brutish style won him championship belts and the ultimate heter0sexual prize: Miss Elizabeth. Lanny was presented as a weaker, sissified version of the “Macho Man” — the sort of beaten down, winless girlie-man you did not want to be or to see your son become. This further underlined the supremacy of the traditional form of brutal masculinity.
The viewer can’t help but wonder what the Rougeau Brothers are thinking as their substitute gets his pathetic ass kicked: if only we hadn’t invited this fuckin jobber to tag in for Jacques…; we had no idea Poffo was this pathetic and ineffective at wrestling when we invited him…; come on Lanny, show some pride and try not to embarrass our team…
Meanwhile the Moondogs (God bless them) continue to double-team poor Poffo, drag him around by his stretchy trunks, and generally crush him into submission.
Finally Ray Rougeau is able to tag in and demonstrate his masculine power (in contrast to pathetic Lanny Poffo) by handling both Moondogs. Jacques gets involved (asserting his manliness as well) by tripping one Moondog with a crutch so his brother can pin the other Moodog and win the match. Jacques thereby proves to be more powerful and effective, even while injured, than Poffo.
So if you subscribe to the WWE Network (and why wouldn’t you — it’s only $10 per month) and if you get off on classic Tag Team wrestling (and why wouldn’t you — it’s a total turn-on), then check out this match in The Vault — Boston Garden 11/1/1986.