Golden Opportunity

Hulk Hogan remains a controversial character, especially among wrestle-pervs like us. I may be alone in this opinion, but I believe he was a real hottie early in his career — before he become the hokey “Real American” with limited in-ring ability who was meant to appeal to six year olds.

He definitely turned me on a lot when he played Thunderlips, the Ultimate Object of Desire and kicked Stallone’s ass in Rocky III. His character just was so campy and homo-erotic, in addition to being brutal and powerful in the ring. Plus I didn’t have much access to televised pro wrestling back in 1982 so when wrestling appeared in this mainstream film, it was just intoxicating and I wanted to watch this scene over and over.

Where do I sign up??

I first confessed my secret man-crush on Thunderlips in a gallery I posted back in 2008 on my original Wrestling Arsenal website.

Anyway, let’s rewind even further back to the late 1970’s, before he was Hulk Hogan, even before he was Thunderlips, when he portrayed an arrogant dickhead Heel named Sterling Golden. While looking through my archives, I recently found this brief and somewhat grainy Sterling Golden squash match that got me excited so I uploaded it to YouTube (after editing the video to prolong the match and make the jobber suffer even more punishment. It’s what I do.)

I think Sterling Golden looks spectacular in this match. His torso is thick and powerful (as Gordon Solie repeatedly mentions, barely able to conceal his attraction to this big blond beauty.) And he roughly dominates Mike Fever or whatever this pathetic ragdoll’s name is.

I enjoyed watching Golden scoop his light-weight jobber up by the crotch and break him across one knee — a devastating move he would later inflict on Stallone in Rocky III. This made me think of that epic line from the movie, quoted in the caption below, that would play in my head whenever I was fantasizing about rasslin and backbreakers during the 80’s…

So I believe the Sterling Golden character was a fantastic Heel, one that I would’ve craved seeing in the ring every week. He was just a perfect mix of cocky, cruel, and conceited with that long platinum hair and powerful torso. This was a golden opportunity to develop an epic Heel character that they sadly missed when they turned him into Hulk Hogan instead.

Of course, he obtained far greater fame and fortune as the silly, cartoonish Hulk Hogan character, but, for fans like me, he would’ve been unforgettable as a flirtatious and prancing blond behemoth. I admit I find myself turned on whenever I see Sterling Golden in action and I was happy to find this rarely-seen example.

He even performed that classic Heel trope — dragging his jobber up by the hair for more abuse — that always pushes my buttons. This only happened twice in the match, but in my edited version, he drags the jobber up 4 or 5 times.

He finishes off his jobber with the “Golden Squeeze” variation of the Bearhug. He basically embraces the other man chest to chest and throttles him up and down, violently bouncing and shaking him as if he’s giving him a rough missionary-style pounding. It’s very sexually suggestive IMHO.

Gorden Solie then informs us that “Mr. Golden has a $1,000 challenge to ANYBODY who can break the Golden Squeeze.” He then confirms that ANYBODY can take this challenge, even viewers at home like me who are currently masturbating over the thought of being hugged in that Golden Squeeze. “Of course, any one of you may want to try and break that hold once he gets it applied.”

So let me get this straight: ANYBODY, including me, can just walk up to Sterling Golden and ask him to Bearhug them? And he’ll just grab you and do it to you right then and there?? AND if I somehow manage to break free of his embrace (although I’m not sure how hard I’d try), he will give me $1,000 to boot?!?

Talk about a golden opportunity!! Where do I get in line? It’s too awesome to be true. It’s just a dick-tease to get us to watch more wrestling, don’t you think? It’s the stuff pro wrestling fantasies (and life-long fetishes) are made of.

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3 Responses to Golden Opportunity

  1. Dino says:

    Really liked the chest hair on Sterling. He was much hotter in this match before becoming Hulk Hogan.

  2. Phil says:

    I agree as well. I recall Hogan’s first WWF match where he faced Ted DiBiase. I think it was in 1979. Ted put Hogan over and boy it was a hot match. That heel was the Hogan I loved…..

  3. Loop says:

    Shame he stopped using the bearhug. He was a master at it.