Coming Up Short, part 1 of 2

01magnificentPhysiqueOne of my loyal readers asked me to blog about the brief feud between this amazing hard-body — Chris Masters — and the “Big Valbowski” — Val Venis.

The two sexy studs first met when Masters challenged any wrestler in the locker room to take his “Master Lock Challenge” and Venis accepted.



Val Venis was a sex addict and porn-star who entered the ring wearing a towel, presumably soaked in his sweat and other bodily fluids.  He would then toss his cumrag to an eager woman in the crowd.

Well tonight, Val’s toss is a bit short and a male catches that musty wet towel.  The commentators are taken aback, stating “THAT sure didn’t work out!

However, looking at the audience (any pro wrestling audience), we see mostly males in attendance.  Based on the odds, of course a male is more likely to catch Val’s towel, especially given that dudes are larger and better at catching than chicks.

02chatClearly, this masculine performance by Venis is viewed by more men than women.  The strutting and posing, all the sexual innuendo, the well-oiled muscles– it’s really consumed primarily by other men.  So it’s also packaged and delivered to please other men, including men who may want that towel for a souvenir.

So the fact that this fan and admirer of Venis, who paid his ticket fee like everyone else, wants to grab and keep that souvenir (we can only guess what he’ll do with it later) is fine with me, adding a nice queer vibe to the scene.

I would’ve wanted to bring home  Val’s used towel too.  (I’ll take his trunks too when he’s done with them.)   But I probably would’ve chickened out and let the lady have the towel, afraid that everyone would know I had the hots for Val Venis if I wanted his towel.


The two tanned hunks perform some sexually suggestive flirting to heat up the crowd, their muscular physiques glistening in oil as they stand only inches apart.  They discuss being “stiff” and staying “up” for the challenge as they visually scan each other’s bodies and bulges up and down.  Pro wrestlers have always injected sexual innuendo into their speeches, saying they “want a piece of his ass” or they’re “gonna come for you.”   These studs lampoon that oral tradition by being especially explicit and homo-erotic in their boasts.


The big Heel cheats by kicking and stomping Venis to soften him up before slapping on the Full Nelson.  This differs from his usual script of pure power and dominance.  Masters  has questioned his own ability, his masculine superiority over Venis, so he cheated to win.

This salvages some of the Big Valbowski’s pride and potency, as if his defeat and failure can be explained away by the unfair attack.



Until now, Masters applied his deadly Full Nelson on random Shmoes in the audience.  Of course we expected those chumps to be defeated by this beast’s powerful embrace.

I believe this may be the first example of the Master Lock Challenge being accepted by a fellow pro wrestler.  This adds an element of danger and suspense because Venis is a skilled ring veteran, so maybe he WILL know how to thwart the Master Lock.  And if Masters can defeat a strong pro wrestler, then his power is truly unbreakable.



04limpTHIS is the “money shot” for me — the moment where Val is ultimately emasculated and fully drained.  After all his talk of being “stiff” and “up,” we see him limp and floppy, totally drained of any strength or potency.

Masters shakes him a bit, demonstrating utter dominance, and the ref tests the loser’s floppy, limp-wristed arm.  What a public demonstration of submissive helplessness.  This boastful porn-star should’ve NEVER agreed to a dick measuring contest against this swole young He-Man!


And then MASTERS REFUSES TO LET GO OF THE HOLD!    He continues to shake his ragdoll like a dog with a stuffed rabbit.

Even though Val is limp and helpless in his grasp, and the ref is in an angry panic, he flexes those massive muscles to deliver more abuse!  He pours on the pressure and I’m swooning over this big bad Master and his killer Lock!  One of the commentators yells excitedly, twice: “BREAK THE HOLD!” and I’m losing it.  Finally he drops the limp, drained Venis to the mat, standing over him in chest-heaving victory.



As I’m checking out that spectacular body posed in victory, one of the commentators delivers a final sexual innuendo:

There was some stiff competition from Val, but he came up a little short.”

This implies that Venis is a small dicked, and therefore inadequate specimen of manhood — the clear loser in this dick measuring contest.


To Be Continued…

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3 Responses to Coming Up Short, part 1 of 2

  1. Phil says:

    Two terrific WWE personalities who had relatively short stays at the top of the organization. Great bodies and, in the case of VV, a good wrestler. But nobody applies the full nelson as effectively as does CM. This was a great issue.

  2. setyo says:

    uh oh, what a hot beginning 🙂 thanks for reviewing anyway. cant wait for the next part..

  3. battle-porn says:

    It’s an atrocity to make Val Venis to job like this. Maybe WWE changed his name and look to take away that sexy, potent persona, so he could be used to push other muscle talents. But what upsets me is that they didn’t even bother to make it a long feud. This experienced ring sex beast deserved a longer, hotter, and sweatier match against Chris Masters.