The Trouble With Tarzan

Like many boys who grew up in my era, I had a crush on Tarzan. There seemed to be an old black-and-white Tarzan movie on TV every Saturday afternoon when I was a lad and I always got hard during the fight scenes. I also had some of those sexy Tarzan (or Korak?) comic books with the bondage scenes on the front cover. Whoever bought me those comics should’ve known they would lead me to a lifelong obsession with shirtless fighting muscle-men!!

Anyway, I was always a little disappointed by Tarzan movies because there was never enough man-on-man fighting and wrestling for my tastes. Tarzan would quickly subdue a lion here or Headlock an alligator there, which was sorta hot — but I craved seeing him go at it with other shirtless Men. And I hated those domestic scenes: my stud playfully interacting with Jane or Boy — I’d be bored limp every time. So if a Tarzan movie aired at the same time as Championship Wrestling, I’d choose wrestling every time. Wrestling has way more shirtless combat per minute!

When I had a crush on a boyhood hero, I’d often picture him as a jobber in the wrestling ring: Robin being Iron Clawed by The Executioner for example. Or Rob Lowe trapped in Ric Flair’s Figure 4 Leglock, slapping the mat and howling like a bitch. That sort of thing.

Well Weekend Wrestling is now providing us the best of both worlds and fulfilling my Tarzan fetish with their new wrestler: “Wildman” Dick Clayton. Woof!

The latest video available from Weekend Wrestling features their top Heel, “Brutal” Brendan Byers, utterly manhandling the long-haired Dick Clayton who is working the “Tarzan” gimmick in a sexy pair of tiger-print trunks. It’s hot stuff if you’re into Tarzan and animal-print gear and good pro rasslin.

This is actually Clayton’s second match for WW. He was punished by “Sadistic” Sid Shaw about a month ago and I enjoyed that one immensely (a few times actually). However, I didn’t Blog about that video because Clayton went a bit overboard with the campy “Me Tarzan” ape-man antics in that first one. He has toned down the Clueless Savage persona in this latest offering which I consider to be a nice improvement.

Just seconds after entering the arena, Clayton suffers a surprise Low Blow from Brendan Byers who maintains his advantage for most of the match. Any time the Lord of the Jungle starts to fight back, the villain simply nails him in the loincloth with another dirty ball-buster and resumes the dominant position.

Byers focuses on our hero’s spine with plenty of Body Slams, a Torture Rack, repeated Over-the-Knee Backbreakers — really sweet punishment. There is also a lot of Hair Pulling, which gets me every time — especially if the hair-pullee has luxurious flowing locks like Clayton’s.

In the original Tarzan books by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan was named “John Clayton” before his hapless parents stranded him in the jungle. Maybe this Dick Clayton is meant to be the great-grandson of the first Tarzan, continuing the family tradition of shirtless jungle living.

Clayton enjoys a Hope Spot at about 7-minutes into the video, performing a beautiful Body-Slam and Leg-Drop on the Heel:

Weekend Wrestling’s production quality continues to impress with clear video, bright lighting, and really eye-catching camera angles. The camera-man (who is very talented) is stationed inside the ring with the wrestlers, so we get plenty of delightful close-ups on the action. Their gear choices are superb as well.

Both Byers and Clayton are well-trained in their craft, implementing picture-perfect pro-style moves and suffering beautifully. We don’t see those odd entanglements that we get from less-experienced performers where you wonder: What the hell wrestling hold is THAT supposed to be? That doesn’t even look like it would hurt… So this one is a winner in my book — really a Must See if you have a thing for animal-print trunks.

Some viewers may fret that they over-did it with the trunk close-ups, with Clayton spreading his thighs seductively and the camera zooming in to practically rub our noses on his bulge. But I’m into it — I think it’s a sexy, powerful look and I wish they sold a version of this video with the camera strapped between Clayton’s knees, pointing up at his crotch in perpetual focus. I’d pay double for that.

I’ve always had a thing for wrestlers in animal print, probably triggered by those Saturday afternoon delights when Tarzan swung from a vine into my fantasies. Bob “The Cat” Bradley was always a favorite jobber of mine, mostly because of his patterned trunks. Later I got my hands on some Brit Pro wrestling and discovered “Tarzan” Johnny Wilson who also looked amazing in leopard print briefs — possibly the hottest gear ever seen on World of Sport. I believe the Jungle Boy character from AEW who I recently blogged about also plays into our universal Tarzan man-crush.

I think my favorite scene was this long-held Torture Rack where Byers paraded his victim around the ring, bouncing up and down to jar that lower back. The image is worthy of a comic book cover!

Clayton is a fantastic jobber, skilled at presenting himself and his sexy trunks for our viewing pleasure. I won’t get bored of his Tarzan gimmick any time soon, so keep em coming (after all, they’ve made nearly 100 Tarzan movies, on average nearly one per year, since the silent film Tarzan of the Apes back in 1918. They wouldn’t be making so many movies featuring this character if he were not hot AF.)

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2 Responses to The Trouble With Tarzan

  1. Joe says:

    You may have heard about and perhaps blogged about the recent death of Joe Lara, the twentieth man to play Tarzan on the screen, TV screen, in this case. Lara was one of seven people who died at the end of May in a plane crash near Smyrna, Tennessee. He may not have been the best Tarzan, but he looked terrific in a loincloth and was a fixation of mine in 1989, then again in 1997-98. The news saddened me, as if it were news of the passing of a cousin I hadn’t seen for decades.

  2. Dolphin says:

    Agree totally with you Joe…Lara was beautiful to behold in the loincloth…particularly got turn on when he leapt into the quicksand pool and was rescued by his animal friend.