Playing For Our Team, Part 1 of 2

One of the classic pro wrestling YouTube channels I follow recently posted some videos from 1985 featuring the Fabulous Ones feuding with the Guerreros — Chavo and Hector. The video quality of these uploads is spectacular and, with the blond gods Steve Keirn and Stan Lane in the ring, the action is plenty homo-erotic and exciting to get boned up for.

The match we’ll be breaking down today is actually the debut match of the Fabulous Ones in the Houston territory — their first meeting with the Guerreros. Given the many Latino fans in the audience who support the Guerreros, the Fabs are playing Heels in this bout– i.e., cocky, blond, privileged, arrogant, Gringo, pretty-boy cheaters against a pair of noble, down-trodden immigrant brothers in no-nonsense black speedos.

The Guerreros show off their superior skill and power early in the match, working over the Fabs’ muscular arms. But I can’t take my eyes off the fabulous snake-skin speedos stretched over the powerful glutes on the sexy newcomers. Man, their dicks look good in those trunks!

If I had been down in Houston in 1985 and saw the Fabs on TV saunter to the ring for the first time, I would’ve been over the moon for these blond hunks in animal-print trunks! My eyes would’ve popped out of my head and anybody in the room watching with me would’ve surely known I was into Fabs.

After enduring a bunch of arm twisting, the Fabs escape outside the ring where they give each other a loving embrace. The homophobic audience jeers and boos as they were meant to do, but my reaction was quite different. I’m suddenly turned on by this and wondering if maybe these are my kind of wrestlers, meaning they play for “the other team,” meaning they play for MY team.

This loving embrace gives them the power — the arousal? — to take control and begin dominating the pesky Guerreros. They isolate Chavo and brutally torture his soft-bellied physique over the top ropes. We get to enjoy some excellent suffering by poor, helpless Chavo while the ref, who may have Attention Deficit Disorder, is easily distracted!

It’s been well documented on this blog and elsewhere that the Fabs were coded as queer in many of their campy, flirtatious, hyper-sexual photos and music videos. Without a doubt, female wrestling fans squealed and screeched for these studs — I mean, look at those muscular bods! But females lack Gaydar. They also squealed and screeched for George Michael and Ricky Martin — I could’ve told them they were barking up the wrong trees. I firmly believe, based on their hair, their costumes, their flamboyant antics, that the true target audience that the Fabulous Ones were being marketed to was gay wrestling fans. And I bought in for sure.

Even the name of this Tag Team — the “Fabulous” Ones — is a gay innuendo since the word “Faaaaabulous” is really only used by gays to describe gay things. Was that the case back in 1985 when these blond beauties were assigned their sub-textual team name? I don’t recall. Everyone calls them the “Fabs” for short — which also sounds like a gay slur that was commonly used back in 1985, but which I don’t think we are allowed to say or write any more.

Chavo plays the Face-In-Peril tonight, and the Fabulous Ones fuck him up pretty good with some awesome Double-Teaming. They trap him in their corner repeatedly, bite his face, toss his chubby ass out of the ring. It’s brutal and bitchy and unfair and totally arousing.

I realize I’m supposed to hate these Total Fabs for all their cheating and nastiness and implied sexual perversion, but they’re so damn visually appealing that I just can’t do it. Their transgressions, their rule-breaking, implies that they are Bad Boys — that they might break other rules as well, and that makes my heart go pitter-patter. Cheat all you want boys — I still love ya!

Meanwhile the referee is especially aggressive about keeping Hector out of the ring while allowing the Fabs to Double-Team his brother. He even tackles Hector at one point! (see below). Might this official also play for our team and so he is helping his new man-crushes win the match?!?

You may recall that I blogged about another epic match in this feud — the legendary Mexican Death Match from January 1986 which I recapped in a two-part article back in January 2018. I just realized I loved that match so much, I also wrote about it in February 2016.

Anyway, today’s match occurred a month prior to the Death Match when the Fabs were building heat, establishing themselves as the dirty Heels, and getting most of the audience (except for horny viewers like me) to really despise them for beating down the beloved Guerrero Brothers.

Eventually the Guerreros begin to fight back against my Fabs, to the audience’s delight. We see the Guerreros successfully operating in tandem, Double-Drop-Kicking both Fabs in turn. The implication is that true brothers are more capable and effective as a team than fake brothers — or whatever the Fabs are to each other…

Next we see the Fabs’ bodies collide, a convoluted reenactment of their earlier embrace. This time, their body contact results in pain and misery rather than pleasure and arousal. The commentator describes it as: “Right into each other, chest to chest, face to face.” Is he describing their collision as if they just kissed?!

The commentator also points out repeatedly that the Fabulous Ones look exactly alike, as if they’re “clones of each other.”

You can’t tell those two fellows apart. The referee has a tough time trying to tell them apart. The fans can’t. I know I had trouble!

Is it true that straight guys can’t distinguish Steve Keirn from Stan Lane?? Any gay wrestling fan can distinguish them in an instant. Clearly Stan Lane is the cuter, sexier one. But back in the 1980s, this Twin Trope (which often seemed kinda gay as well) was used in Tag Team wrestling to allow the look-alike partners to trade places in the ring, as happens here…

So the blond bitches, newcomers to the Houston area, won by cheating and the audience is mad about it, as are the humiliated Guerreros. (I didn’t really care who won or lost — I got to see what I wanted.)

I love how the Fabs close out the scene with another loving embrace, again chest to chest and face to face. Is this a final clue that they’re playing for our team? It’s as if they’re telling the audience: you can’t stop us! You can’t shout down our relationship! We are great in the ring, we know we look hot as fuck, and we love each other. We will never quit it either.

What an empowering image for young gay dudes to see these hunky lover-boys hugging bare-chested in public and giving zero fucks who has a problem with it.

To Be Continued…

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3 Responses to Playing For Our Team, Part 1 of 2

  1. Dino says:

    Great match. I was always into Keirn more then Lane. He had that fireplug build with hair on his chest and those are two of my triggers. Lane was still nice to look at but the build on Keirn and his nice bulge was all I needed for an instant boner.

  2. Phil says:

    The Fabs were my absolute favorite team of that era. The bodies, the personas, and the moves were superior. They were at their best during their heels era. Their little film vignettes were incredible……nothing was hotter. Boy, did they get me turned on.

  3. Chaz says:

    My preference are the Guerreros (Chavo & Hector) when they went heel! Chavo especially was a stud!