Buddy Landel was such a sleazy, arrogant Heel bastard — in other words, he was pure sex appeal in my opinion. This classic match from 1988, recently posted to YouTube, showcases this Blond Bad Boy’s arousing tactics and the many tricks he used to excite horny young wrestling fans like Yours Truly while kicking ass in the ring.
Buddy gets raunchy and I love it– responding to some loudmouth dude in the audience by thrusting his cock in the dude’s direction. It seems as if Landel is letting the loudmouth know that he (Landel) knows that the dude is horny for him, and probably WOULD agree to do that in spite of all his cat-calling and jeering. Come grind that tight black speedo in this direction, Nature Boy!
The legendary Gordon Solie is calling the action. He adds to Landel’s sex appeal with this immortal line: “Landel strikes like a cobra, there’s no question about it. He is as dangerous an opponent as I’ve ever seen in the ring!” I think that comparing a man to a dangerous striking cobra is a phallic reference.
Landel’s victim for this torture session is Todd Morton, a weak, submissive little cousin to Ricky Morton, the Ricky Morton who opted to form a winning Tag Team with Robert Gibson rather than wasting his time with his wussy cousin. Landel is gonna murder this chump and I’m dizzy over it.
Due to some phantom injury, Landel is wearing a BLACK GLOVE which Solie and the other commentator can’t stop talking about, repeatedly drawing our attention to the devious danger posed by that BLACK GLOVE!
This is a classic trope in wrestling — the villain empowered by some plaster cast, forearm sheath, or knee-pad that he uses as an illegal weapon, gaining power over the rule-abiding hero by attacking Johnny Good-Boy with the nasty (but doctor-approved) Foreign Object whenever the ref is not watching.
Here are some examples of the verbal masturbation uttered by the commentators to turn us on to the power of that glove:
“There he’s got that GLOVE on again! He says he can’t wrestle without it any more — his career would be finished if it weren’t for the BLACK GLOVE. In my opinion, the BLACK GLOVE is gonna make Buddy Landell’s career because there’s obviously something in the GLOVE — he loads the GLOVE, I think there’s no doubt about that. ”
“You can hear the percussion of that BLACK GLOVE… I think he loads the top part, but he may have something inside the palm part of it too. Every time you hear him chop someone, you hear that percussion. There’s bound to be something in there.”
They ramble on about how unfair this is for Landel to be permitted to wear that deadly Glove, with me getting more excited the more they discuss it.
I’ve been obsessed with these jobber Back Arches ever since I saw a Spotland Scrappers video fetishizing this pose. This is a beauty by Morton. I wonder if his more-successful cousin taught him to job like that, maybe down in the basement after the grown-ups went to bed.
We’ve seen other Heels wearing a BLACK GLOVE and using it to their advantage, but damn, there is sure something sexy about the way Landel performs the gimmick! Maybe it’s his crooked sneer, or that pretty blond hair.
I know some of you are wondering what I see in this chubby, mullet-headed sleaze-bag. He’s not even swole, you’re thinking. Maybe you needed to grow up on rasslin’ during the 70’s and 80’s, or maybe I just have a very rare and specific fetish, but this cocky Dickhead truly does it for me, especially in this match!
Certainly the camera angles, the verbal commentary, and Landel’s in-ring antics are all meant to draw our attention to that BLACK GLOVE.
Landel performs an elaborate, campy “loading of the glove” which drives the commentators wild: “He’s already loaded or done something with that GLOVE! And he HITS the youngster on top of the hairline it looked like!”
Obviously, I’m aware that pulling on a glove is not somehow making it harder or magically more powerful. That’s the logic center of my brain talking. But over in the pleasure center, where fantasies are written and produced, my brain is willing to suspend disbelief and buy into the naughty, cheating, utterly sadistic act of striking an opponent unfairly with a “loaded” BLACK GLOVE.
I will play along with this role-play as long as it gets my juices flowing. Jobber Morton is certainly playing along too, throwing himself to the canvas at Landel’s feet as if he were struck by lightning. It looks like it might be fun to spend a few hours in Grandma Morton’s basement with that willing jobber…
What a perfect way to finish off this ragdoll, using the BLACK GLOVE to symbolically cover and defeat him. That one finger, empowered by the magical leather encasing it, has more strength and effectiveness than this bitch’s entire body.
I think this has been enough Leather Porn for today. In a future article, I will pick up the story from here, describing what Landel and his powerful BLACK GLOVE do to this bottom-boy long after the bell has rung.
To Be Continued…