Extreme Headlocking, 2 of 2

Last week, WWE presented a special Tuesday episode of Smackdown called “Super Smackdown Live.”  The opening bout featured Fandango, in his new Matador-style costume, against the hyper-masculine Roman Reigns.

This match turned out to be so exciting and entertaining, they replayed it again on the Friday, December 19th regular episode of Smackdown.

What made the match especially hot, at least in this wrestling fan’s opinion, was a long-held and sexually-charged Headlock applied by Fandango mid-way through the bout.  Did you see this torture scene?  It was beautiful.

Fandango wrapped his arm tight around Roman’s neck and just went to town, twisting his body, tossing back his head, flexing and grinding with everything he’s got to totally work that neck.

We don’t often see long, relentless wrestling holds these days — most matches are filled instead with high-flying, flippy-dippy moves.  So this fan of the old-school style considered this picture-perfect Headlock scene to be an early Christmas gift.  Thanks WWE!

Reigns weakly grips that big crushing arm as it cuts off his air supply.  Something about those flamboyant red flowers running down Fandango’s sleeve adds beauty and power to his Headlock.

Since his debut, the Fandango character has been treated as a joke.  His obvious sexual attraction was given a comical, clownish tone as he over-enunciated the syllables in his name like a D-Bag.

Comedy is often used to denigrate an attractive man, to render him less potent by laughing at his antics in order to subvert his sex appeal.

But in this match, the “new and improved” Fandango seems to have turned over a new leaf.  He is perhaps no longer the laughing-stock of the WWE locker room. They did not play his corny, horny entrance music, replacing it instead with a sultry Latin guitar solo.  He shows us he really can wrestle by applying an actual Headlock (and keeping it clamped on for several minutes.)  He proceeds to dominate the powerful, uber-manly Roman Reigns, gaining our respect and admiration.

This match seems to be a turning point for Fandango, whom I haven’t discussed much on this blog when he was a silly boy.  You may be seeing much more of this Latin heart-throb here from now on.

The relentless Headlock torture continues, with Fandango’s shirt parting to expose his chest.  The referee does his part to add drama and realism to the scene by leaning in to check on poor Roman Reigns whose fingers are loosely grasped in that classic jobber pose of weak determination.

Speaking of hands, check out the positioning of the ref’s fist, placed over Fandango’s crotch as if he’s playing with the dominant male.  Did the cameraman plan this, or am I just a pervert with my dirty mind stuck in the gutter??   The cock-cupping position of the ref’s fist is paired with Fandango’s orgasmic facial expressions to create a highly sexualized scene.

Roman Reigns is a powerful looking stud with his huge arms, manly facial hair, and all-black clothing.  His dominant appearance and obvious strength make his moments of vulnerability seem that much more humiliating, degrading, and therefore exciting.

To watch big Roman Reigns being humbled by this flamboyant Fandango in his flowery Matador costume, well this is what makes pro wrestling a turn-on.  The loss of power by a big man is intoxicating to think about.

Long into the Headlock torture, after he had been reduced to a submissive boy-toy, Roman delivers for us a series of the most erotic O-faces ever.  We see his sweat-soaked hair, his masculine features highlighted by that thick goatee, as his thick lips twist into beautiful expressions of woe and ecstasy.

Let me pause here and address a few comments directly to Mr. Roman Reigns, who I hope follows this blog:

You are doing great work right now, keep it up.  We don’t WANT to see you easily win every match, spearing all your opponents without mercy.

We find your vulnerable side much more alluring, trust me.  So give us plenty of suffering like you did when Fandango choked you out.  Feel free to be shameless about it — chew up the scenery, weep copious tears, moan and groan with abandon.  The more you degrade and demean yourself, and the more you reveal your feminine side, the more we will love you.

So in this season of gift giving, I just want to express my thanks for the blessings we received.  THANKS to whoever scripted this match and included this gorgeous Headlock;  and to whoever decided to make over Fandango into a Real Man; and to Fandango himself for his beautiful Headlock; and to Roman for suffering in it so gorgeously. You are all too kind.