Gallery 607
Grope A Dope



The September 2005 issue of Maxim magazine included a very interesting article by John Cena, explaining how to Body Slam your opponent in four steps.

His explanation is more suggestive and erotic than anything I could ever write, so I decided to let Mr. Cena narrate this week's Body Slam gallery using his own words from Maxim...



Photo Caption: "I hope you like the taste of zipper!"


"Grope a Dope"


"How
To Do A Body Slam"

"WWE champion John Cena explains how to scoop another man between the legs -- and still look like a bad-ass."
1.  Size Matters

"You've got to size up the person you're trying to slam," growls the 6'1", 240-pound Cena, who recently pile-drove the air-waves with his debut rap album, You Can't See Me.


"If you're a smaller guy, the slam isn't gonna have as much impact."

"The stronger you are, the harder you can slam the guy."
"So the short and weak need not apply."  Unless, of course, you're wrestling midgets.

2.  Fight Dirty

"I suggest raking the eyes, kicking the nuts, and driving your opponent into inanimate objects."

"Once he's dazed, throw your left hand behind his neck and your right hand between his legs, right under his family basket."


"Firmly grip his neck and butt, then squat down and heave upward..."

"...rotating him so his thigh ends up on your right shoulder --"

"-- and he's facing the mat in terror."
3.  Just Drop It

Now for the fun part.  "The best way to slam him is to take the hand that's around his neck and jerk it down."

"At the same time, give his breadbasket a good squeeze to let him know you're there..."


"...and push him toward the ground."


"The combo of pulling down on his neck and shoving his crotch will flip him over onto his back..."

"...where, like a good Tri-Delt, he belongs."
4.  Slam Dance

"Once you drop him, you can do a number of things."

"If you're in a match, you'll want to go for a pin."



"But if you're in a street fight, just start talkin' shit.  Tell him you're the man."

"You can also insert your own end-zone dance.  Bust out the Ickey Shuffle or the You Can't See Me."
"As you cut the rug, though, don't forget..."

"...that you still have to explain away that pesky boner."

-- John Cena, Maxim, September 2005