When they started running
out of Von Erich boys, Fritz hired this tan, blond stud in the yellow trunks
as their "long lost cousin" Lance Von Erich.
Next to the other Von Erichs, he sticks out like a turd in a punch bowl.
Lance is so pretty, tan and blond, he could be a male model! Are
you sure he is the long lost son of Waldo Von Erich, below?
"Waldo Von Erich, when it comes to 25 year old Lance, you are NOT the
father!"
Lance
Von Erich
Waldo Von Erich
Today Lance will wrestle another
potential model: "Ravishing" Rick Rude. Here is Rude relaxing
in a hammock, but with that ripped body, he clearly doesn't lay around relaxing
too often.
Which version of Rick Rude
do you prefer? When he still allowed some manly hair to grow on his
chest, or when he went perfectly smooth and streamlined?
Some artist enjoys Rude's
hard body so much, he created a sweet drawing of that world famous abdomen.
Wow, great work!
Another Rude lover drew this
charicature that depicts Rude's narrow hips and powerful upper body. This
hunk's amazing physique serves as an inspiration for artists and wrestling
fans alike!
Back stage, Lance takes a
few moments to rub oil on his tan skin and stretch out his groin. He
even looks good doing that!
Pretty Boy Lance climbs in
the ring in a jobber-style jacket, and like most Von Erichs, spends a few
moments signing autographs for the fans.
Across the ring, shirtless
Rick Rude -- or "Rick Rood" as the Texans mis-spell it -- proudly flexes
his rock hard body.
Lance is still busy writing
autographs. Exactly how much is a "Lance Von Erich" autograph worth
now on E-bay? Is the shipping more than the autograph itself?
Wow, Rude was so damn ripped.
What a show-off, I love it. He continutes to display what made
him famous -- those breath-taking striations and freaky lean muscular definition.
The camera man is impressed
as well, as he zooms in on that hard muscle definition from the back. Rude
grew larger later in his career, but this may be his most chiseled.
Handsome Lance seems to enjoy
staring at Rude's perfect body. He gives the Ravishing One a flirtatious
smile across the ring as he prepares to wrestle against that hard body.
The female
fans howl like cats in heat as Von Erich peels off his jobber jacket. Compared
to most opponents, this pretty-boy would have the better body (but not against
Rude!)
Lance was known as just a
"decent" and slow-moving wrestler who Fritz must have hired based on his
good looks. Will his "Von Erich" name be enough to defeat the Ravishing One?
Wow, this kid is a looker.
It's like the most popular Frat Boy on campus decided to become a
pro wrestler. He is obviously way too handsome to be related to the
horse-faced Von Erichs, but back in the 1980's, the Texans all fell for
it and went Ga-Ga over Lance.
Lance wrestles barefoot so
he'll look more like a high-flying Von Erich boy. He grips Rude's
huge upper arm and takes the body builder down to the mat to suffer for
a while.
Even when he's the one in
trouble, Rude uses his hard body to steal the spotlight. He has a way
of twisting around and flexing that really looks great! Nice abs, dude!
Most wrestlers look better
in the speedo-style trunks, but there is something about Rude's long tights
and extra-tall boots that really works for him. He looks like a super-hero
with that ridiculous upper body bursting out of his tights.
Lance continues to dominate
as Rude continues to flex and pose. That fan in the white "USA" shirt
who always sat in the front row is enthralled by Lance's looks.
Lance applies
a hammer lock as Rude forces him into the corner. Look how Rude skillfully
exposes his well-oiled torso, offering the fans an eye-ful of perfect bod.
Lance doesn't release that
Hammer Lock quickly enough so Rude jams an elbow into his cute face to break
the hold. CRACK!!
Lance is nearly decapitated
by a huge elbow from Rude. The Texans all scream in rage as one of
their "Von Erichs" is getting picked apart.
Lance again secures the Arm
Bar (Is that his only wrestling hold?). Rude rolls around selling
the agony and flexing.
"OH GOD! I'm hurting! (Meanwhile check out my
amazing 8-pack abs.)"
Lance drops a leg across Rude's
trapped arm. Rude performs an Ab Crunch to again show off his chiseled
physique. Rude is an artist!
Wow, Fritz was really trying
to put Lance over as a Von Erich who can dominate in the ring like his unbeatable
"cousins". Check out Rude obediently kneeling before the better man.
The USA guy in the front row is sure sold on Lance's awesomeness.
Cowardly Rick Rude, unable
to escape Lance's incredible Arm Lock, is forced to grab the ropes. The
ref orders Lance to release the hold before he hurts poor, helpless Rude.
Rude, totally out-matched
by the Von Erich stud, is forced to slip out of the ring for a rest break.
This delay is perfectly fine with the fans at ringside who now get
a better look at that hard body.
Cocky Lance stands over Rude
on the middle rope, posing in domination. Wow, he wouldn't be acting
so cocky if his name was still "Ricky Vaughn" or whatever instead of "Lance
Von Erich."
Like a typical Von Erich,
Lance struts around like he owns the ring. Don't get too cocky kid,
Fritz actually owns the ring.
Where did Fritz Von Erich
find this beautiful tan hunk in order to adopt him as a "nephew"?? Did Fritz
see him on the cover of a gay porn magazine? Or maybe at a male dance
revue?
The USA belly-shirt guy knows
what he likes, cheering proudly for the Von Erich super-star. Is he
wearing white wrestling trunks, or are those shorts?
Rude enters the ring and promptly
slaps on a very nice Bearhug. Whoa, look at Rude's chiseled mid-section
as he tightens the pressure like a Boa Constrictor. I'd trade places
with either wrestler at this point.
The two men take a few moments
to cuddle. Rude cinches on the pressure as Lance wraps his arms around
the stronger man's neck.
Mr. USA looks eager to jump in the ring and rescue poor Lance from this
crushing embrace.
The camera
zooms in on Lance's expressions of agony. Clearly he isn't a true
"Von Erich" because he knows how to job for another wrestler, which the
Von Erichs almost never did.
The Bearhug continues for
several minutes as the studs grind against each other. Meanwhile the ratings
for World Class Championship Wrestling are going through the roof.
Rick Rude loved to apply the
Bearhug and his fans loved to watch it. You can check out a whole
series of Rude's famous hugs in Gallery
194.
After squeezing all the air
out of his barefoot opponent, Rude takes him down for a pin attempt. Lance
kicks out. I wish Fritz would adopt me and put me in the ring with
Rick Rude!
To show us more suffering
by pretty-boy Lance, Rude slaps on the Abdominal Stretch. Very nice!
This hold really lets you see some agony on display.
The viewers enjoy a super
close-up of the golden boy in pain, his flowing mane of hair spilling down
onto his shoulders as he cringes in frustration.
Damn, we can almost see up into his brains as the camera zooms in closer!
Rude is using his hard body
to stretch and bend Lance's weaker body, like stretching a piece of bubble-gum
around a rock. Lance provides some sublime expressions of pain.
The Ab Stretch goes on for
several wonderful minutes as Rude flexes every muscle in his body, trying
to rip Lance Von Erich in two pieces.
Finally an exhausted Lance
escapes the torture. He practically falls into Rude's embrace as Rude
again locks on the Bearhug. How many times are these studs going to
embrace??
Poor Lance is almost out cold
as he collapses to the mat. In a very suggestive pose, hard-body Rick
Rude lays on top of his his victim chest to chest. (Wouldn't you do
that too if you were wrestling Lance Von Erich??)
Damn, this almost looks like
that famous beach scene in "From Here to Eternity" where Burt Lancaster
makes out with some chick as the waves crash over them.
This is the scene I'm talking
about. Watch it on YouTube and I think
you'll agree it's almost as hot as Lance and Rude in the wrestling ring.
Lance presses against the
stronger man's body, either struggling to escape or trying to get more friction
on his chest.
These two should get a room!
But then we wouldn't be able to watch. OK, they should just stay in
the ring and keep doing what they're doing!
"Ravishing" can mean either
"extremely beautiful; attractive" or "to rape; violate."
Poor Lance is unable to rise from the mat after Rude is done ravishing
him.
Rude attempsv a very arrogant
pin (another of his trademark moves). Why must Rude flex every hard
muscle in his upper body just to pin the opponent? Von Erich again
kicks out.
Lance eventually struggles
to his feet and the two wrestlers lock up against the ring ropes. Suddenly
they spill out over the ropes and crash down to the floor like a train wreck!
Before the ref can count them
out, Lance scrambles to get back inside the ring. Rude grabs the waistband
of his black speedo to keep him out of the ring.
Lance must
choose between scrambling back in the ring to win the match, or being exposed
on national TV as Rude pulls down on his trunks.
But Lance finally slips free
and slides into the ring just as the ref counts out Rick Rude. Lance
Von Erich is the winner! He raises an arm in victory.
Wow, Mr. USA is overjoyed
that his hero has defeated Rick Rude. He jumps to his feet and proudly
displays his love for all things Von Erich.
Fritz really wanted his "nephew"
to be a big star and carry on the Von Erich dynasty just like his sons.
Even Rick Rude had to job for this pretty-boy, but at least the Ravishing
One lost by count-out and not a humiliating pin or submission.
As his popularity grew, Lance
asked Fritz for a big raise. (If he was a true Von Erich, he wanted Von
Erich bankroll.) Fritz was outraged, and he fired and disowned his
"nephew", exposing this imposter in a famous interview.
Texans are a bit slow, but
even they figured out that Fritz had bamboozled them by selling them this
fake "Von Erich", so many fans lost interest and another great wrestling
federation bit the dust.
Way to go, Lance.
Click the links below to watch
both parts of this hot match on YouTube:
